3 valuable insights

Insights into catastrophising, boundaries and stress

CONFIDENCE AND RESILIENCE

Rebecca Ford Johnson

10/9/20232 min read

3 valuable insights that I've learned from others recently and would like to share with you:

1. When things get tough, it's easy to catastrophize and imagine the worst-case scenario. But have you ever tried to imagine the BEST scenario instead? And the most likely scenario?

For example, I might be worried about an upcoming presentation - my mind will naturally focus on the worst-case scenario (I forget what I want to say, someone asks a question I don't know the answer to). The BEST scenario would be where I absolutely rock it and receive messages from everyone who attended telling me that it was the best presentation they've ever seen (the best scenario doesn't have to be realistic!). The most likely scenario is that I do ok - even if I forget the odd thing, the overall impact is good enough. And that's ok. This simple exercise can be really powerful to help shift your mindset.

2. Setting boundaries is important, but it can be hard to say "no" when put on the spot. Have a rule that you never give an immediate answer on the phone.

I often talk to coachees about how much easier it is to take the time to make a decision when the request comes on email. If you have a rule that you don't reply straight away, it gives you the space to engage the more rational and less emotional part of your brain that helps you make the best decision for you. I've often said it's not that easy when someone phones you with a request, and that you can always say you need to consider and get back to them in 5 minutes, but I never thought of suggesting that it would be helpful to have this as a simple rule in life - it takes the internal negotiation out of it.

3. Know your stress response and communicate it to others.

We all experience and cope with stress differently. Understanding your own stress-style can help you better manage it and communicate your needs to family, friends, and colleagues. Ask them to let you know when they notice it, and tell them what you need from them in that moment. For example, I know mine is getting short-tempered and intolerant in the kitchen. What I need in that moment is not for my husband or kids to ask why I'm so grumpy (because that never helps, right?!); what I need is for them to say "are you ok"? That's enough to make me realise I am stressed and then I can take action.