Managing the transition back to work after a period of leave

I’ve supported six parents this week who will all be returning to work in the next month or so after a period of parental leave.

What occurred to me today is that although each and every one of those individuals is different, and that they have different roles at different organisations, similar themes have come up for each of them.  And for each of them, knowing that what they're experiencing is normal is really valuable; as well as then thinking through strategies for how to approach this transition.

So I thought I’d write a post for anyone else out there who is returning to work after a period of parental leave (and who isn’t fortunate enough to have the benefit of 1: 1 coaching).

I should add that what I say here doesn't just apply to parents - the principles can also be applied to those who have taken a period of leave for any other reason such as sickness, sabbatical or any other caring responsibilities.

What’s normal (but often not talked about)

- Feeling anxious and overwhelmed – not just about the logistics of how on earth you get yourself and a baby dressed and out the door by 7.30 am but about whether you can remember how to do your job and what everyone is going to expect of you (and a whole host of other things besides).

- Lacking confidence – in most cases you’ve not done your paid job for months.  It’s normal that what you might (pre-baby) have been able to do with your eyes closed, you now have to think about a little more - but you only have to google “neuro-plasticity” to know how amazing our brains are at rewiring.  See also my article on Carol Dweck's Mindset and this on confidence.

- Feeling guilty – you might feel guilty about returning to work; you might feel guilty that you're returning part-time; you might even feel guilty about being excited about returning to work.  Once you’re a parent there’s always something to feel guilty about.  Again, normal. The key is to notice the triggers and then try to address any resulting “unhelpful” thoughts.

My Top Ten Tips

1. Manage your own expectations: Be mindful of the fact that this is a transition (in my view phrases such as “hitting the ground running” and “returning with impact” can be particularly unhelpful).  I often talk to clients about the Couch to 5k programme – you wouldn’t expect yourself to be able to run 5k a week after giving birth, so be kind to yourself with the expectations you set when returning to work after months of parental leave.  It may take time to get back into things, and tasks may take longer.  This is normal.

2. Be kind to yourself: The practicalities of learning to work in a different way (finishing on time and working flexibly) are challenging but be kind to yourself and keep objectives short-term e.g. first 1 – 3 months; then reassess.  Keep a journal and set aside 10 minutes each week to reflect on how the previous week has gone. Ask yourself 4 questions: What went well?  What would you like to continue doing?  What was challenging?  What might you want to change?

3. Think about your boundaries: think through what you would like your ideal working week to look like, bearing in mind the realities of the work you do.  Consider what that means from a logistics perspective / business perspective, and whether you need to communicate your boundaries.  Where are your red lines?  When are you prepared to be flexible?  What support do you need from others in order to make this work well?

4. Have conversations with your manager: before returning, have a conversation with your manager.   They don’t know what you’re thinking, so consider what you would like them to know.  Are you aiming for a promotion?  Would you prefer not to think about promotion just yet?  Ask how they see you fitting back into the team, and what their expectations of you are for the first 1 – 3 months back.  You might also like to check in on flexible working plans.

5. Plan for KIT/SPLIT days: think about KIT days as having 3 main aims: 1) catching up with key stakeholders such as your manager and other colleagues; 2) helping you gain confidence for your return by catching up on knowledge / training; and 3) using the days as no-pressure baby steps towards your return so that it doesn’t feel so uncertain / overwhelming. With this in mind, consider what you want to get out of these days and plan accordingly. For example, in addition to catching up with your manager / other stakeholders and colleagues, find out whether there are training sessions / team meetings scheduled and plan a day around that; allow for a catch up re technical or industry developments (aiming to keep any updates high level and focused).

6. Other practical steps pre-return: consider using annual leave to do a staggered return; check if everything is being set up ready for your return (e.g. does everyone who needs to know you are returning and when; do you need IT updates?); and organise lunch with a friendly face for your first day back.

7. Transition at home: if you have a partner at home, communication is key!  Assess what needs to change as you return to work.

8. Communicating boundaries at work: When communicating boundaries at work, focus on when you are available, as well as when you are not.  Block time out in your diary for when you are unavailable (e.g. non-working day / 5 – 7 pm bathtime/bedtime). Read my article on boundaries here.

9. Keep talking to your manager: They’re probably so relieved you’re back they immediately forget you weren’t there - so it may not occur to them to check in to see how you’re doing.  Be pro-active: ask for regular catch-ups - and positive feedback!

10. Take a breath: Literally.  Anytime you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed try to bring yourself back to the present moment in a calm way: breathe in for a count of 4, and slowly out for a count of 6; do 3 to 5 rounds of this. Or try a 2 minute reset. Notice your thoughts and try to avoid automatic reactions and instead have considered responses.  I particularly like Steve Peters’ Chimp Paradox for more on this.

This really is the tip of the iceberg – and an over-simplification at that.  You might also be grappling with lower confidence and imposter syndrome - it's particularly common for this to become more pronounced after a period of leave (you can read my article on taking steps to manage this).

The best support organisations can give to employees returning from parental leave is individualised 1:1 coaching focused on their specific circumstances.  If you’re interested, get in touch.

© 2025 Westbrook Coaching Limited trading as Rebecca Ford Johnson. All rights reserved.